It wasn’t about money or scandals
First of all, I did not leave the Catholic Church for financial reasons. If you participate actively in an organization, it is reasonable to support it financially. In my case, that meant about 250 EUR per year - money I now donate to other organizations.
I also did not leave because of the abuse scandals. The Church does not officially condone such behavior. Still, one could argue that the repeated cover‑ups reveal something deeply troubling about the institution, and it is fair to question whether the Church’s structures enable or protect such abuses.
The abuse of power has occurred repeatedly throughout the history of the Church and could be a reason in itself to leave the Church. But I wouldn’t place too much emphasis on that. Humanity has generally been very brutal in the past.
When beliefs no longer fit
The main reason I left was the growing gap between my own beliefs and those of the Church. I still believe in a great spirit or God, but my view has become much broader. I see the soul as a small part from the great spirit, moving through many incarnations and stages of development in order to gain experience and come to know itself. Eventually, all souls complete their development, return to the great spirit, and a new creation is started.
Over time, I also became increasingly aware of the contradictions within the Church’s belief system. I want to give one example. On the one hand, the Church teaches that anyone can be like Jesus; on the other hand, it presents him as uniquely exceptional - the literal son of God, conceived without sexual union. I believe there have been many saints and sages throughout history, and many still live among us today. Probably all of them were conceived through a sexual union. Sex should not be treated as something dirty or shameful.
I also see a huge gap between what most Catholics believe and the Church’s official teachings - its 245 dogmas and roughly 900 defined beliefs. Despite this disconnect, I don’t think the Church can be changed from within. There have been no efforts to make fundamental changes.
A Church without a path to genuine spirituality
The second reason I left is that church service offers almost no real practice for an inner relationship with god. Genuine spiritual growth requires space for silence, meditation and simply letting things happen, yet these elements are largely absent from typical Church life. Services are filled with rituals, prayers, and formal declarations of belief - sometimes even a bit of alcohol. Hardly anyone talks about enlightenment or can share spiritual experiences.
On top of that, the overall symbolism of the Church never resonated with me. The dark interiors, the imposing buildings, and the constant focus on a suffering figure on a cross feel heavy and distant. I much more prefer nature and bright settings.
The church is an institution that strives for self-preservation. It is not interested in the self-realization of its members—fear, manipulation, and prohibitions (e.g., Solfeggio frequencies) were often sought-after means.
As a result, Catholics who do have profound spiritual experiences, like Neale Donald Walsch, find them outside the regular Church service: on pilgrimages like the Way of St. James, during quiet retreats, or in monasteries.
What I still value about the Church
Despite all my criticisms, I don’t want to ignore what the Church does well. It offers a clear framework for life’s major moments - birth, coming of age, marriage and death. It provides rituals and festivities that help people navigate these transitions.
It also creates a sense of belonging: in Austria this is especially meaningful for children as they form relationships with trusted adults like godparents. And although not all traditions are preserved equally well, the Church still plays a role in maintaining cultural heritage, music, architecture, and seasonal celebrations.
These strengths are worth acknowledging, and they raise an important question: what could a spiritual community look like if it kept these positive elements while offering a more open, life‑affirming path to inner growth?
I will explore possible answers in a future blog post.